In August last year, Sam and I experienced what anyone wanting to start a
family doesn't want to go through. We found out we were expecting, but
soon after learned that the timing wasn't God's plan. My doctor had
found a polyp in July, but didn't think that it was anything to be
concerned about, but turns out it was too big and in just the right spot
to keep our baby from growing. At the time, I questioned why us. We
waited and planned and did everything "right". I had plans of how I was
going to tell Sam and our family, but those plans didn't come to life.
The months of August and September were two of the most difficult months
I have experienced. I was mad, hurt, questioning what I did wrong, what
I could have changed, etc. I had to go for countless blood
tests..sitting in a waiting room with newly pregnant to ready to pop
women, each time being told everything looked normal. We were told to
wait. I know that I was learning a lesson in patience, but at the time I
just wanted it to end and every call made it that much harder. In
October, I had surgery to remove the polyp that caused the miscarriage
and again was told to wait just a little longer. It hurt to see everyone
else being able to go about their lives and add to their families while
we waited. In November, we found out that we would be an uncle and aunt
again and while I wanted to be overjoyed and happy, I was
reminded that it wasn't our time. We finally got the clear in December
and while we were waiting again (this time to find out if we were
going to be parents), we found out that we were going to be an aunt and
uncle again this year. Again when I should have been happy, I broke down
in the middle of Target telling Sam I just wanted to be a mommy. I was
tired of hearing everyone else's happy news and not being able to be
genuinely happy for them...for my own family to say the least. My
patience was wearing so thin and I didn't know the person that I had
become but God had a plan. A week after finding out my sisters news, I
found out that I had news of my own! We were hesitate to get our hopes
up. I waited for the worst...and continued to wait. I wouldn't let
myself get attached and make big plans. When we went to the doctor, I
waited for them to tell us bad news, but the bad news never came.
Instead, we saw a tiny little peanut with a strong heartbeat. We told
our families when we were 8 weeks and that was the hardest secret to
keep! I didn't talk to my mom leading her to think she had made me mad,
but I just couldn't let the secret slip! :)
Introducing baby Shrew!
Jeremiah 29:11
